short excerpt of Songbirds
Mar. 25th, 2011 05:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seraph7I'm in the middle of writing a disturbing sequence about Tom in the mental hospital after he is forced to undergo therapy for homosexuality as a condition for the charges being dropped. I'm kind of creeping myself out after doing the research on Electroconvulsive therapy. I think this would mess anyone up to be honest. This represents rock bottom for him.
This is ridiculous, a small rebellious part of himself started to say.
How is this going to cure me? They can’t cure me. I don’t know if I want to be cured. There is nothing to cure. Hjalmar was right.
“I don’t think this is going to work, doctor. Sorry.”
“You haven’t given it a chance yet. I know the treatment can be a shock to some people-” the doctor started, alarmed that Tom was backing away from the treatment.
“Perhaps we shuld try a different softer approach. We’ll use therapy instead get to the root of your problem.”
Tom lay on the couch. There was a crack in the ceiling, the plaster crumbling away. This was a neglected room.
“I see, well, we both know why we are here, don’t we?”
“Must we talk about this?”
The doctor looked sternly over the edge of his glasses at Tom. “Yes, we must. We must not flinch from the issue at hand, as unpleasant as it may seem.” The avuncular smile he gave Tom gave him the creeps. “It’s for your own good, son. Don’t you realise that? We’re giving you a second chance to redeem yourself-“
Tom kept silent. Whatever he said was wrong. They weren’t interested in hearing about his experience. Just making him agree with what they wanted. As log as he kept quiet, nodded at the right time they were happy. But he wasn’t.
“Do you want to talk about this? Get to the crux of your problem?.”
There was something deep inside that rebelled at the thought. To bear his soul to these people. To try and explain why he felt the way he did. Why he couldn’t pretend to be like everyone else.
“How did you realise that you were inclined this way.”
Tom froze. Why did they want to know about his past? He tried not to think about it. Why drag Laurence into this when he hadn’t seen or spoken to him for many years?
“Did someone seduce you? An older man, drawn by your physical appearance?”
“I-I don’t know what you mean.” He stammered, trying hard not to think of it. Afraid they could read his mind and take even that memory from him and sully it.
“It’s just… it cannot be denied you are an attractive man. I imagine you would have been a beautiful boy. You lived with Sir Edwin for many year as part of the family…” observed the doctor. “-Are you sure nothing untoward happened between you? Wouldn’t be the first time something like this happened between two lonely men-“
“Don’t drag him into this!”
“Have you ever tried to date a female?”
Tom thought of that christmas at the castle, lying in bed with Flora losing themselves in their kisses. The panic that overwhelmed him as things got heated. He didn’t want to expose their relationship and the most private parts of that to the prurient ears of the therapist. To pick over and assign meaning to a bit of innocent experimentation.
“Do you have problems with women?”
What on Earth did the doctor think he was? thought Tom in disgust. He wasn't a monster.
“No, I get on with most of them. I really don’t see what this has to do with anything.
“No conflict with your mother?”
“No! I care for my mother very deeply, when I see her.”
“Ah, so you don’t see her that often –“ the therapist leapt on his statement.
“I went away to school at the cathedral and then I joined the conservatoire. There’s nothing sinister about it.”
“Very strange for a young lad to spend so much time alone. Away from his family-“
“If you’re not willing to undertake the therapy and you reacted so negatively to the ECT, then might I suggest a course of apomorphine? It will still the unnatural urges that plague you. Perhaps you might be cured.”
“You will understand if I have some very real misgivings-“ Tom started,thoroughly sick of the way he was pawed about in the name of science. To make normal, to make him conform
“You will have to undergo some course of treatment. Be seen to co-operate with the prescribed treatment. Otherwise-“ There was no mistaking the implied threat in his voice.
Tom took the pill bottle reluctantly.
“You might experience some adverse symptoms, but it’s a small price to pay to be free of these urges, isn’t it ?”
Now bear in mind this is still quite rough in nature and needs work. I might do another post later with another section, see how it's hanging together.
This is ridiculous, a small rebellious part of himself started to say.
How is this going to cure me? They can’t cure me. I don’t know if I want to be cured. There is nothing to cure. Hjalmar was right.
“I don’t think this is going to work, doctor. Sorry.”
“You haven’t given it a chance yet. I know the treatment can be a shock to some people-” the doctor started, alarmed that Tom was backing away from the treatment.
“Perhaps we shuld try a different softer approach. We’ll use therapy instead get to the root of your problem.”
Tom lay on the couch. There was a crack in the ceiling, the plaster crumbling away. This was a neglected room.
“I see, well, we both know why we are here, don’t we?”
“Must we talk about this?”
The doctor looked sternly over the edge of his glasses at Tom. “Yes, we must. We must not flinch from the issue at hand, as unpleasant as it may seem.” The avuncular smile he gave Tom gave him the creeps. “It’s for your own good, son. Don’t you realise that? We’re giving you a second chance to redeem yourself-“
Tom kept silent. Whatever he said was wrong. They weren’t interested in hearing about his experience. Just making him agree with what they wanted. As log as he kept quiet, nodded at the right time they were happy. But he wasn’t.
“Do you want to talk about this? Get to the crux of your problem?.”
There was something deep inside that rebelled at the thought. To bear his soul to these people. To try and explain why he felt the way he did. Why he couldn’t pretend to be like everyone else.
“How did you realise that you were inclined this way.”
Tom froze. Why did they want to know about his past? He tried not to think about it. Why drag Laurence into this when he hadn’t seen or spoken to him for many years?
“Did someone seduce you? An older man, drawn by your physical appearance?”
“I-I don’t know what you mean.” He stammered, trying hard not to think of it. Afraid they could read his mind and take even that memory from him and sully it.
“It’s just… it cannot be denied you are an attractive man. I imagine you would have been a beautiful boy. You lived with Sir Edwin for many year as part of the family…” observed the doctor. “-Are you sure nothing untoward happened between you? Wouldn’t be the first time something like this happened between two lonely men-“
“Don’t drag him into this!”
“Have you ever tried to date a female?”
Tom thought of that christmas at the castle, lying in bed with Flora losing themselves in their kisses. The panic that overwhelmed him as things got heated. He didn’t want to expose their relationship and the most private parts of that to the prurient ears of the therapist. To pick over and assign meaning to a bit of innocent experimentation.
“Do you have problems with women?”
What on Earth did the doctor think he was? thought Tom in disgust. He wasn't a monster.
“No, I get on with most of them. I really don’t see what this has to do with anything.
“No conflict with your mother?”
“No! I care for my mother very deeply, when I see her.”
“Ah, so you don’t see her that often –“ the therapist leapt on his statement.
“I went away to school at the cathedral and then I joined the conservatoire. There’s nothing sinister about it.”
“Very strange for a young lad to spend so much time alone. Away from his family-“
“If you’re not willing to undertake the therapy and you reacted so negatively to the ECT, then might I suggest a course of apomorphine? It will still the unnatural urges that plague you. Perhaps you might be cured.”
“You will understand if I have some very real misgivings-“ Tom started,thoroughly sick of the way he was pawed about in the name of science. To make normal, to make him conform
“You will have to undergo some course of treatment. Be seen to co-operate with the prescribed treatment. Otherwise-“ There was no mistaking the implied threat in his voice.
Tom took the pill bottle reluctantly.
“You might experience some adverse symptoms, but it’s a small price to pay to be free of these urges, isn’t it ?”
Now bear in mind this is still quite rough in nature and needs work. I might do another post later with another section, see how it's hanging together.
